Are you doing it? I'm going to guess that you are. What does it look like for you? How would your day go? What would being crave-free change for you? Are you wishing that you could get there-if only you had a rocket ship to this crazy happy place.
I had to share that because, it really got me by some emotional times from questioning my worth based on my actions- and if I wanted to know more about GOD would He even be interested because I had done some pretty heinous things. Like, really bad. I think we could have a blog just about people remembering how I had hurt or insulted them, done them wrong emotionally or physically, or just generally disregarded their feelings. Despite that, I think that Psalms 139 was penned thousands of years ago just for me.
Ok, so what in the world does that have to do with my food cravings? Everything. It takes the one person who knows me best to know how to keep me out of trouble, with food and without. I don't want to sound like a broken record but I'm now realizing the depth of what God has had to orchestrate to make me un-want custard considering I've got an Andy's basically in my back yard. :)
I'm still over 200# and trying to eat better at every meal but there is one thing that I'm still missing in this scenario that I feel ready to tackle now: Excercise!
I'm trying HOT YOGA this week. I'm sure that I'll have some interesting something happen and btw- I'm sure I'll get all gross and sweaty, and basically I'm afraid of slipping off my mat or pulling something.
Wish me luck guys and gals!
Guess what?! I'm currently living in that world! For real. It's weird here because it doesn't look ANYTHING like I thought it would (no Bob Ross "happy little tree's" for starters). If you are sitting in disbelief, I completely understand and will try to explain.
Here on "no longer Constantly Craving" there are basically two things I didn't anticipate. Ok, three if you throw in the fact that naming a blog is sorta like getting a tattoo with someone's name or face: God has a sense of humor and it just may be the fastest way out. I digress.
First, there wasn't a radical change in my body. Turns out those rock hard abs take more than wishes to achieve. I have a friend that is a workout junkie and I love following her on facebook, the highway, the grocery store - though to be frank, she probably isn't aware of the the last two. She seems to only ever require beer and bacon to survive outside of a grueling workout that leaves her bruised and throwing up occasionally (I'm taking liberties here, it's probably the beer a yeast allergy making her vomit) and I can get caught up in thinking how easy it must be for her, because she's so fit. That, it's like rolling a medicine ball down a hill. Actually, I'm sure that it just rolls itself; in my mind medicine balls have a little attitude in them as well a million pounds of iron. Oh, there I go again with the random off-shoots.
And there's the focus problem. Ok, so I thought that once I stopped craving food all the time that the rest would just fall into place. Eating right, exercising, the whole healthy life package. That kicking the craving would be the hardest part but, what insight I have on this now!
Second, I didn't get here like I thought I would. I explained in my first blog how I came to this place in my life: how God made me a promise that He would take the food addiction away, so I agreed, put my faith in Him, and then TRIED TO DO IT MYSELF.
Oh, how conceited I am! So it occurred to me in the beginning of January that I no longer had food cravings - which is a pretty big deal since that was what I was most concerned with, hence the name "ConstanceCraving". So, why take so long to mention it when I should be shouting it from the rooftops?
Because *I* didn't do it.
See, I have this tiny little problem that gets in the way with.. everything... and it's called pride. The day that I realized that I didn't have any cravings, (not a one!) I immediately realized that it had been that way for a while, pretty much since God said He'd do it. I also had this idea that I needed to find a way to spin that to make it sound more like I did it; that somehow it would be more encouraging to have this great big struggle where I wrestled with myself hour by hour until finally I could say *I* did it myself, so other people could relate and do the same.
It was lunch with a girlfriend that gave me the big 'D'oh!' moment. We get together regularly to catch up and she was telling me about something that had happened to her that gave her the realization that she was trying to take credit for something that God had done for her. Immediately I felt the bottom fall out of my stomach and my heart wrench, because that was what I've been trying to do for a month-consciously.
So, here it is, the nutshell of how I conquered my food cravings: I gave it to God. Seriously, truthfully, and humbly I admit that it wasn't anything I did other than that. The great thing is that He took it (like He said He would) and that if I gave up anything else, He'd take that too.
It hurts my heart that I have forgotten so quickly what God has saved me from. I had a problem with alcohol for far too long. One night, in utter despair for what things I had said and done in an alcohol stupor, I asked him to take that from me. It's been 4 years (or 5?) and not a single moment of my time since has been spent on it since. That was a pretty big deal for me, yet forgotten when I needed another "favor" from God.
Would He deliver? What if He didn't? What if He did, but I disappointed Him by choosing to pick it up again? Ugh. The 'what if's' will kill you.. which is how I know that they're not of God.
Here's the deal: there isn't a single part of my life that my heavenly father isn't intimately aware of - in advance. Like-He knows if I'm about to come across an unavoidable plate of brownies, or if there's a car around the corner with an inattentive driver who has crossed the center lane (bigger story-another time). He knows all about me, so who better to put in control? Best part? He knows what a broken person I have been, currently am, and am going to be- and yet loves me anyway.
Five years ago I felt like such a terrible person who has done such terrible things that no one -if they knew them all- could ever love me, even my husband. Then, I found Psalm 139. In case you don't know it by heart, here's a link to what it says: PSALM 139 and I've added some personal insight to what it has revealed to me.
Ok, so what in the world does that have to do with my food cravings? Everything. It takes the one person who knows me best to know how to keep me out of trouble, with food and without. I don't want to sound like a broken record but I'm now realizing the depth of what God has had to orchestrate to make me un-want custard considering I've got an Andy's basically in my back yard. :)
I'm still over 200# and trying to eat better at every meal but there is one thing that I'm still missing in this scenario that I feel ready to tackle now: Excercise!
I'm trying HOT YOGA this week. I'm sure that I'll have some interesting something happen and btw- I'm sure I'll get all gross and sweaty, and basically I'm afraid of slipping off my mat or pulling something.
Wish me luck guys and gals!
