A little background...

I'm not at all sure how to start this blog off, so I'll explain a bit about myself first. This isn't the beginning, but where I will start my story.

My name is Constance, and I'm addicted to eating.  Not necessarily good food, just... food. Lots of it. Often.

K & I in June of 2008

I've been an obsessive eater all my life. Many childhood memories include me sneaking food in the middle of the night and when others aren't looking; ice cream at grandma's, pudding at dad's, brownie mix at mom's... I thought about food, how to get more food, and how to hide my food.

My weight has fluctuated but it was never too bad. I've been heavy, but not more than a size 16 at any one time (I'm 5'7"). This year was hard on me- in the tail end of June, I hit 200 lbs. I've flirted with it before, but always prided myself on never actually crossing over that mark. Well, there it was, staring at me in cold digital numbers: 200.6 lbs. 

My husband and I went on a crash diet, cutting out all carbs and doing a detox simultaneously so that I could lose a few pounds before I went to a convention in the middle of July where I knew I would be on stage - my image broadcast to thousands of women on the jumbo-tron.  But, it didn't work; I hadn't lost any weight- and I'd actually gained enough that the clothes I brought with me didn't fit when I needed to wear them.  Not, "boy, that's tight on her" but rather, I couldn't even zip them up. So we hit a Ross and I had to buy couple outfits to get me through the week.  I laughed it off, made it a funny experience but when I stopped by the restroom, despair swallowed me up. I felt like I was struggling to swim in the ocean, currents and the rip tide grabbed me, pulling me under and I could barely keep my head above water.  I was not in control. 

I was quickly disgusted with myself. Again. I thought, maybe if I had someone to do it with me, to hold me accountable, I would actually follow a diet.. this time.

That week my husbands employer began a "biggest loser" contest and spouses could enter as well.  I thought that was the answer so we entered. Twelve weeks of a weekly check in and I gained weight nearly every single week. My husband too, and why not? We both ate the same thing, moved in sync and what happens to one of us happens to both. By the end of the weight loss competition I gained 14 lbs. 

K & I with Kate Reigler (aka Lucifer) in Dec 2012

What I'm about to say next some of you will get, others, will wonder if I'm crazy, but: God spoke to me. He spoke to my heart and promised to heal me of this addiction if I let him.  I'm weeping as I write this because it was heart-wrenching for me. 

So, this is where I start my blog. It's not a fad diet and it won't be a quick fix, but it will be a chronicle of what I'm dealing with as I let God change my heart and mind. It has already been a journey unlike any other and as much as I want to keep it secret, He's told me to bring it to the light. Again, I'm crying; I do NOT want to tell everyone about my struggles with food and my weight. 

Thank you for reading, I hope that what you've found here is a blessing to you or someone you know, even if you don't share my struggles.  If you're wondering how you can encourage me, please comment below and tell me what is running through your mind. I know that this issue is not mine alone! 

Rules on comments: If it is not helpful, kind or encouraging- it will be deleted. :)